Calling it a Quirk Doesn't Make You Less of a Twat

Quirk: That set of behaviors that a sorority girl truly beleives makes her irriesistable.  

Personality quirks are just character flaws that you’ve decided you don’t need to work on to improve.  Some inconvenient exception you expect everyone to make for you because you’ve declared… it’s not an area you plan on improving.  That’s it, there’s no more evolving or growing to be done there, it’s now just the cutesy little detail that makes you unique. 

I know someone that “hates surprises.”  It’s full spectrum, from not liking to have someone throw them a party that they didn’t get to help plan, from not liking presents, because as they put it, they don’t like the expectation wrapped around what might be disappointment and then having to pretend they’re thankful.  Now, I don’t know how you’d go about changing that, but it seems to me that it’s masking being a self centered little twat by calling it a quirk.  But even worse, because it’s labeled a quirk, the “I hate surprises” is the end of story.  No “I need to learn to be grateful when put on the spot!” nothing like that.  And because it’s a QUIRK they believe it excuses them for being ill mannered!  What the fuck?

I suppose when you embrace your quirk as your identity, you see no interest in changing it because somehow it’s defined you, but don’t expect people to be impressed if you’re just using it as an excuse to be a lazy fuck of a human being.  Mo’Nique or however you spell it… her quirk after Precious and the Oscar nominations was that she didn’t shave her legs.  And my god, when they showed a pic of them, THOSE LEGS WERE YETI.  A few months later, I caught a story that said she’d started shaving, which all I have to say is hooray for her husband that his wife was publicly shamed into recognizing that little quirk wasn’t cute, it was lazy and gross. 

Snookie’s “quirk” was that stupid fucking poof of hair.  Lo and behold more public shaming, and she hasn’t worn it since.  One could argue Jennifer Grey’s “quirk” was her nose, and having it fixed made her too ordinary.  Yet Pamela Anderson’s 2 quirks were the only thing that got her recognized. 

I think there’s 3 types of quirks.  The odd habit, the psychological/dysfunction habit and simply a fucking bad habit.  A quirk is that thing that makes you different, makes you stand out, that little tidbit of against-the-grain that you don’t apologize for having because really, it’s a part of you.  Or, perhaps, not something you can do anything about but just part of your uniqueness.   I have a friend that sneezes tiny sneezes in groups of 3 or more.  Never less than 3.  It’s totally a quirk, and kind of a cute one.  She’s completely hostage to it… so when I start laughing when she sneezes, there’s not much she can do while involuntarily spasming to my amusement.  I have another friend who sends out solstice and equinox letters that I always look forward to receiving.  It’s certainly one of the best quirks I’ve ever found in someone, these beautiful, creative letters of artistic poetry and creative uniqueness.  My husband told me if we divorce, he’s fighting for full custody of this friend, but I stand solidly by my claim that he was my friend property before the marriage and I will retain him should the marriage end.  

Those are the kind of odd quirks that romantic movies can make you hate… it’s the Reality Bites scene with the guy who says “bless you” when you sneeze, or better yet, he remembers YOUR quirks so he shows up with your blatantly retarded coffee order, just right.  The movies may have soured them… but these quirks, they’re the good ones, or can be. 

Likewise, there’s a fuzzy line between a quirk and a dysfunction… in fact, sometimes, there’s no line.  There are some habits driven entirely by some dysfunction or psychological hang up.  My inability to sleep with a twisted sheet is certainly one of my quirks, no doubt just OCD behavior but I’ve made the conscious decision that I’m not going to go through therapy about it, and my husband has to live with me suspiciously checking to make sure he actually tucked in the blankets.  That’s a psychological habit, it’s beyond liking things a certain way and gets into needing them a certain way to function.  These quirks are essentially odd habit/interest quirks with underlying psychological cause… you can choose to find them adorable, entertaining, or they’re going to drive you fucking insane and you should break up right now, because they’re not going away without therapy. 

For example, I think there’s a difference between someone having a fear of speaking in front of crowds, and someone having to have the last word.  The former is most likely not something one’s happy to have, the latter is just fucking self indulgent.  If I tell you I’m sorry that I need to stop and get out of the elevator, I probably mean it – I’m sorry… but I’m not going through exposure therapy to get over claustrophobia, because it essentially involves stuffing you into a small space until they rupture the fear right out of you.  I’m apologizing because frankly, I’d rather not be claustrophobic, but I do actually have enough self-awareness to see that it at times inconveniences others if they have to take the stairs with me.   Apologizing for being a rude scumbag bitch when it’s entirely within your power NOT to be a rude scumbag bitch is entirely another thing.  You’re apologizing for shitty behavior as though it’s just one of those lovable things we all have to accept… it’s your quirk! You can’t help it, you just have a knack for cheating on your significant other! Oops!  Love me for who I am!

The bad habit quirk is like a giant pendulum quirk that swings precariously back and forth between the odd habit and the psychological habit, dipping in the middle through a stream of self indulgent arrogance.  The bad habit quirk is synonymous with self-centered rudeness, unapologetic bad manners and the entire id of a reality star.   It’s using the word quirk instead of the more descriptive term, such as a stupid fucking bad habit or you’re just a douche.  Maybe your quirk even has some root in a psychological habit, a fear of abandonment, some bipolar disease… but if your cutestly little quirk is stabbing people in the back and feigning ignorance, expect to be lonely, legally dysfunctional or not.

I’m just asking for some basic fucking self awareness if you have a quirk that impacts other people.  I know I’m a nazi when it comes to how the bed is made.  But in my defense, I try to be nice about it.   I’ll volunteer to do it myself.  I’m not asking anyone to put themselves out, rather to just let me have a smooth surface to sleep on at my own expense.