How Very Little I Know or Care to Know about Music

So let’s start out with a few caveats, shall we?

1. I do not fuck all about the music industry outside of baseless conjecture and assumption.
2. I have musical taste which while eclectic, still falls comfortably into that bell curve of mainstream music – while I certainly like some random things, my taste in music is, for the most part, lazy and unimaginative, unless you count Benny Goodman as imaginative.
3. I don’t really care all that much to change 1 or 2, though I’m always open to listening to something that might delight my ear.

Who would have thought that weird perm-headed kid would turn out to be Justin Timberlake, talented musician, actor, voice actor, and whateverthefuckelse he does?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fanboi – I wasn’t even that in to NSYNK or however they butchered that word, but I would like to point out that the one that was probably the easiest to pass over is currently the only one I can really remember.  Truly, I’m not even that much of a fan of his music, but I watch all of the SNL videos with that guy that’s not Adam Sandler and played some evil kneivel character.  I have to admit he’s got both comedic timing and whether you like his brand of music or not, which I don’t really, he’s still pretty damn popular.

I forget which band Nick Lachey was in, if it was the same one, but what the fuck is that guy up to?  I see him as the host of the Sing Off, and it’s a damn shame he doesn’t sing.  If you’ve ever watched the Sing Off, Lachey has the most velvety, smooth voice I’ve ever heard.  It’s fucking creepy how silky and smooth it is.  I couldn’t name a single song he sang, but if he can TALK like that, the guy has to be able to sing like an angel.

And it got me thinking… if he and Timberlake were in the same band, do they ever think of corroborating?  And then, wait, no, that’s just weird.  When do you EVER hear 2 guys working together on a song unless one is a rap artist and one is a country singer, or some other vibrantly contrasting musical style?  Usually one does a bridge, or a looped background thing… Like that horrible apology song with Faith Hill’s husband (wtf is his name…)… something about it’s too late to something something, it’s too late…..

Or Adam Levine inviting the once-vaguely-talented-now-morphing-into-untalented-white-version-of-Aretha-Franklin Christina Aguilera to sing on his song… Dudes invite chicks to sing. 

Girls might sing with girls, like…wait, that hook sounds like the…Dixie Chicks??  Or maybe Katy Perry and RiHanna or something, but you never hear OOOH! Timberlake and Lachey are touring together! 

I admittedly watch a few different reality television shows where you get to see musicians/singers whoring themselves out to network television.  Such as Jennifer Lopez performing her new song (I should have fast forwarded it, how could I know at the time I’d hear it 1,000,000,000 more times every time I turned on the radio?), or Usher going on Dancing with the Stars to sing horribly without auto tune… auto tone? True tone? Whatever it’s called, see #1.  I will listen to about 15 seconds worth just to see how terrible they are live.  It’s fun to see them struggle with it.

To all of you with unique, incredible taste in music, congratulations.  You’re fucking morally superior in every way, and have a “spine” or whatever else you want to say it takes to make up your own mind about music.  You know what? I don’t care.  Part of me wants to, part of me wants to go discover new interesting stuff, but the other half has heard enough non toe tapping crap to be really sort of over it.  Music is, for the most part, a lovely backdrop for me to let my brain do all sorts of other useless things, and when it becomes too interruptive or cranky about being melodious I’m done with it.  So, my hats off to you, thanks to your efforts at the far end of the bell curve, your drive to find something before it was cool help discover it for people like me to play it into oblivion.  Thanks!