For Better, or for Ratings

So, I believe the Kardashians fall into one of two potential scenarios.

The first is obvious.  Self absorbent, narcissistic morons who don’t care what exactly happens on their show, they’re just gob smacked at the opportunity to open their face holes and let sound come out while having a camera follow them around as they sit and give each other Oh. My. God. looks while nonchalantly listening to voice mail on speaker phone or having a laptop set up on the table so they can read off the CRAZY EMAIL they just got.  Because that’s how we all get our news, we wait for an audience, then check texts.

They don’t put a lot of consideration into what is going to be filmed, but like Mr. Ed, they think they know when people want them to move their mouths, only they’re a lot less adorable to watch and can’t fit into quite as small a stall.  Sure, maybe they have some vague idea of what the producers have planned, but I suspect that when no cameras are present, they’re desperately quiet to each other, afraid that the one and only worth while thing they say their entire lives won’t make it to film.  Rest assured, ladies, you haven’t missed a day that will never be.

The second option is the one that scares me; it is possible that they actually attempt to ‘script’ their shows.  Not just some vague “OMG HA HA HA we’ll put koolaid on a tampon and make him think we left it lying out!”  “OOOH! Yeah! And he’ll taste it to verify!!  OMG YES!”

I mean an honest to god, complex thought out game plan which enabled them to avoid this season of the Kardashians from fizzling out because it was the same old disgusting sorority girls that have still failed to graduate onto something else.  No, they weren’t just going on about their pathetic, self centered existences, they were figuring out a way long before the season filmed to make it worthwhile, to up their ratings.  I admit it, I even had a thought about how funny it would be to see this pathetic relationship play out on screen knowing it would end 72 days later…

BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY THE PLAN.  It wasn’t just that he was stupid, or she was desperate to have the attention you get as a bride, or the cash from the photos, magazine spots or the endorsements from designers and products… oh no.  This was a planned out assault that the whole thing would go to shit *BEFORE THOSE EPISODES AIRED* so that their show would suck in potential new blood believing they were going to be watching a train wreck in the making.  The wedding and subsequent bitch fest had to all play out before it aired, ENSURING you wanted to see what the fuck was the story before the shit hit the fan.  It creeps me a little to think that was always the plan…pick a guy just dumb enough that even if you tell him the secret, it’s too much meat for thoughts to move through and his face won’t reveal a thing. 

Don't you dare doubt me on this one.

The few times he says something smart, like “whos gonna know you in a few years anyway?” will be comedy gold, ultimately just proof that he already saw this as some sort of intense clown brigade that he was only traveling with until the next town.  They have the stories about joining the circus, but if you ever notice, when the circus comes to town, it’s all old timers… they don’t mention the bodies they drop out of the wagons before they reach the next locale.