You know what, I’m not much of a fan of “oh, I’m asking for a friend.” That joke might have been funny the first time an 18 yr old in 1991 asked how much the 36 count box of condoms behind the counter was, but it was only funny because he was actually serious and no one believed him. It’s subtle, people, but it requires a slightly less narcissistic person to actually get the humor.
Allow me to explain. I find twitter quite entertaining. In fact, I was sort of surprised at what began as a bullshit, secret account where I could bitch without my sister reading it, that became a great medium of expression. And not only that, when you come into contact with other real actual humans, there’s something nice that happens there.
But this post isn’t about that, I’ll write another day about the adorable gay man I have a huge crush on or the awesome single mom midwife that fucking does it all and manages to remain human and intriguing at the same time. (This is where I’d insert a hyperlink, but because I hate blogs that do all that kind of shit, maybe I’ll just post a link to it at the bottom). This post is about the self centered fucking morons that use twitter as one big hyperbole piece of shit “asking for a friend” waste receptacle of the stupid fucking ideas they come up with to tweet.
You know why you sound stupid? Because you’re trying, and it’s obvious, and no one thinks for a moment you did what you claim you did. That’s why. No, you didn’t beat up an old lady. You didn’t annoy your neighbors by prancing around naked. No, we don’t believe you that you just “showed your co-worker who’s boss,” or that you were flippant to your boss at work.
No, we know that you shut your fucking mouth at work, you tweet from a bathroom stall, and you’re sure as hell not handing out beatings left and right. Unless right now you are dictating to the cop filling out paperwork to catalogue the pile of your confiscated items sitting on the desk next to him, hoping he’ll send your last tweet from the holding tank, “So how much time do you get for slapping the shit out of a stupid salesclerk? Asking for a friend.”
Aforementioned blog: http://citymidwife.blogspot.com/
No, we know that you shut your fucking mouth at work, you tweet from a bathroom stall, and you’re sure as hell not handing out beatings left and right. Unless right now you are dictating to the cop filling out paperwork to catalogue the pile of your confiscated items sitting on the desk next to him, hoping he’ll send your last tweet from the holding tank, “So how much time do you get for slapping the shit out of a stupid salesclerk? Asking for a friend.”
Aforementioned blog: http://citymidwife.blogspot.com/
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